No title seemed right

I don’t smile a lot – mainly because I’m not aware that I’m not smiling. Heck, most of the time, I’m not aware of much going around me except what’s right in front of me. But then, sometimes, I’m painfully aware of every single thing that I just want to shutdown. Close off the world. Retreat into nothingness. This is not something I like doing, but it worries me that it remains my most oft-used defence mechanism.

I hate having my pictures taken. I once went through all my family’s photo albums and picked out all the photos that had me in them (but not including other family members). I collected them all, placed them in my own albums, and stored them away in my cupboard, so that no one else gets to see them. I’m not as paranoid about this as I used to be (I mean, hell, they’re just photographs), but I still have those photos kept in my cupboard.

I watched Superman Returns over the weekend. I heartily recommend it to anyone who’s ever been a fan. Expect a more thorough review here soon.

I tend to over-think at times. Over-analysing situations which require more direct, intuitive and perhaps spontaneous actions or responses. There is a particular situation right now, which really, theoretically, is so bleedin’ darn easy to take charge of. I know EXACTLY what I need to do. And yet… and yet…. I think of all the worse things that could happen, and I weigh those possibilities against my being able to handle them. Normally a sensible course of action in most normal circumstances, but then…. this isn’t a normal circumstance. If I was a religious person, I’d pray for some divine help here. Instead, I’ve got to rely on myself. And maybe a little help from friends. Or accomplices, however you choose to look at it. You know, I’m starting to get why religion could be useful at times like these. But then, all my old questions and opinions regarding organised religion come to the fore, and then…. well, best not to start that up again.

They say you’re only as old as you feel. Right now, I’m pretty much feeling like a teenager. It’s not fun.

Sven says the England players practised their penalties. You’ve gotta be kidding.

Brazil flattered to deceive here, and they got their just rewards. Reputation and popularity alone will win you nothing. So now we have the possibility of either France or Portugal playing in the final – the former not expected to come this far after the debacle of 2002 and with all these old players, and the latter not having reached the semis in 40 years. Good stuff, any way you look at it.

Mack made a graceful exit from the blogosphere. This means that the sum total of intelligent discourse online has just dropped a notch. Not a good thing. Those blogs that I used to read regularly are either gone, or not being updated a lot (T-Boy! Pick Yin!), or have morphed into something that is quite unlike what they used to be. (You know who I’m talking about, doncha?) Ah, well, coming back to Mack, dude, your blogs will be missed. Take care, and enjoy the real world. I have to admit I’m slightly jealous of the way your departure from the local scene has attracted comments pleading for you to rethink your stance. I can only wish for similar reactions in November.

Have you ever experienced a time when every song of a certain genre or topic actually made sense? That when you listen to a particular song, you think, “Holy cucumber! I understand exactly what he/she/the band means!!”…. You don’t? Never mind, then.

I wish I had a billion dollars. So I can give them away to poor people. No, I’m serious, that wasn’t a sarcastic comment.

I wish I spent 20-something years being pilloried by everyone, and then retire… so I can spend my golden years being pilloried by everyone. Now, THAT was a sarcastic comment. If you don’t get it, you’re not reading the news.

You can get some really awesome free e-books at Project Gutenberg. Check out their top 100.

I used to like the colour black, because it was cool. Now I’m just used to it. I think, deep down, I really like green.

Guns don’t kill people. Bullets don’t kill people. It’s the impact of the bullet when it hits the flesh after being fired at high-velocity from a gun that can kill you – and that only if it hits vital organs. Of course, it could avoid all major organs, and the person shot could still die if his wounds are not treated immediately, and is left to bleed to death. But then, in that case, it’s not the bullet that kills him, but apathy.

I tend to refer to Johnny Depp as the ‘Aamir Khan‘ of Hollywood. And vice versa. Really looking forward to Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. And no, it’s not because of Keira Knightley. Ok, maybe it’s a small factor in my interest….

(Oh, and did you know Keira’s birthday is March 26th? Mine is a day earlier! Well, of course, mine is also 8 years earlier… but you know what I mean.)

I’m not the nicest person around, but you know what? I appreciate nice people. I appreciate kind, generous, good human beings. I hold them up as role models, people I aspire to be like.

I really like the place where I work. I really like the people with whom I work. What I’m not sure about is the question of where do I see myself in 5 years time – to be prefectly honest, I don’t know the answer to that yet. And that worries me a little – not too much, though, since for now, I really, REALLY, like where I work.

My life is like a long list of unresolved issues and dilemmas. Hopefully, by the end of the year, I’ll be able to cross off two issues from that list. Wish me luck.

Ok, I feel better now. Well, not really, I don’t feel any different from when I started writing this, but that’s usually what people say when they get stuff off their chest. What I definitely can feel is a lack of feeling in my right foot. I think it fell asleep, and my left foot is thinking of taking a nap as well. I guess that’s my cue to sign out.

Ok, I feel better now.

9 thoughts on “No title seemed right”

  1. Good luck dude. Yeah sometimes I feel that way too. In fact there are so many unresolved things that I’ve been draggin around that. I’ll get to it, but I never do almost always. Thanks to you and of course the ever present finger tip of information, I now know what Pillory means😛 And at last something to watch for the summer movie season.

  2. wooo…you are either :

    1.being melodramatic
    2.in love
    3.not enough sleep thanks to the WC

    lemme see whether I can get some premier tix to cheer you up!

  3. Hey Sashi – I picked up the November mentioning in your post. You don’t want to say that you intend to leave the blogger scene in November?

    You are very okay, the way you are. That is your operating system – but you can change it, if you want. Would it make you feel better? You went far the way you are already – think of what you have achieved. But okay, in the current situation that you are in, this comment won’t help you much. Want to meet and talk? I remember we had a great talk, once, in Bangsar!

  4. Sashi,
    * smile more…a smile goes a long way…
    * why do you not like to have your photo taken? you don’t like the way you look?
    * glad to hear you like the place where you work – especially the people. i like it too

    Jen

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