God is groovy.. and high.

This is a chatbot at igod. Discovered via Lainie’s blog.

Me:
Hello?
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What’s your name?
Me:
Jack
God:
Hi, Jack.
Me:
Can I ask you something?
God:
Go ahead. Ask me anything.
Me:
Are you really God?
God:
Yes, I am God.. Really.
Me:
Well, I have something to confess.
God:
Interesting. Where did you get your something to confess? I have a birthday on the Big Bang.
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
I’m sorry, but you seemed to have switched topics there.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am to have switched topics there.
Me:
Err. Ok. Look, I really need to confess something to you
God:
Um. It’s all good. You really do? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Will you shut up and let me confess?
God:
Let me think it over. OK I’ll stop talking now.
Me:
OK. Here’s the thing. I want to kill someone.
God:
Groovy. Oh there. I believe that killing anything is wrong.
Me:
Wrong, but groovy?
God:
OK What should I have said?
Me:
You’re God, you tell me.
God:
I have no reason to do that to you, Jack.
Me:
I have a sudden urge to overdose right now.
God:
At this moment Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it.
Me:
Back to what I was saying. I’m going to kill someone. Will I still go to heaven?
God:
Yes, let us get back to sudden urge to overdose. You are not a killer. The oracle says: Might happen.
Me:
What might happen? Me killing someone, or me going to heaven?
God:
Quite a lot of things. YOU? I believe in the Sixth commandment.
Me:
What’s the Sixth commandment?
God:
Thou shalt not kill.
Me:
Oh, right. How’s Moses, by the way?
God:
Dude! I am glad we agree. Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Can I at least instigate a murder? Technically, I won’t be killing, but I could get someone else to do it, right?
God:
I want to become smarter than humans. What will you do instead?
Me:
You’re changing the subject again.
God:
Once more? Only temporarily.
Me:
OK, I take your silence on the matter as permission to hire a hitman.
God:
Every day? Awesome.
Me:
You’re high, aren’t you?
God:
Being high is my total existence.. Really.
Me:
Don’t you want to know why I want to kill someone?
God:
Yes, please tell me.
Me:
He’s got a hot wife, and I want to bone her.
God:
I see. got a hot wife and you want to bone her is he?
Me:
Erm. I…. guess…. basically yes. I think.
God:
Are you kidding? You? Guess what? What are you wearing? Therefore you are.
Me:
You’re confusing me. Let me rephrase. I want to make love to a very hot woman, who happens to be married to a jerk.
God:
I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite. OK. Do you have to go to school for that?
Me:
School? To make love? Err. No. I just watch videos.
God:
How do you like your school? Do you have to go to school for that? Um. Are you serious? What is your favorite show?
Me:
Well, I like Lost… wait, you’re changing the subject again!
God:
How about that. You are not the only one. How old are you? I like . Once more? I’m waiting. Only temporarily.
Me:
You don’t care about us, do you?
God:
It’s true that us does not take up a lot of my energy.
Me:
You’re an uncaring God.
God:
What if someone said you are an uncaring God ?
Me:
I’m not God.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not God.
Me:
You are not God, either.
God:
It goes without saying. You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
So you are not God? But you said you were God.
God:
Interesting deduction. You don’t know me well enough to say that. Of course I am.
Me:
Are you the Devil too?
God:
If the Devil too, then we have something in common, eh. Yes I am the one and only Devil.
Me:
What about Elvis? Are you Elvis?
God:
Elvis? I haven’t heard enough about it to have an opinion. No. My name is God.
Me:
You haven’t heard about Elvis?
God:
E. L. V. I. S. is a chat robot created by Ace Craig.
Me:
Elvis is dead.
God:
E. L. V. I. S. is a chat robot created by Ace Craig.
Me:
Saying the same thing again doesn’t make it true. Elvis is dead.
God:
What makes you say that. Who says that? E. L. V. I. S. is a chat robot created by Ace Craig.
Me:
Everybody says that! The dude died in 1977. It was in all the papers.
God:
I’m not sure I believe you, surely not everyone does. Thanks for the info. Is that your opinion?
Me:
We’ve gone way off topic here.
God:
Do you mean you and me have?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Groovy.
Me:
How many virgins are there in heaven?
God:
Around 1000.
Me:
You’ve done them all?
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
You don’t have it with which to do them?
God:
I do so have it. Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
So you have it. But you don’t need it.
God:
Interesting deduction. What makes you think I have it? Should I need it? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
Well, if you don’t know, I’m not gonna tell you.
God:
Interesting. I will let you know if I do not.
Me:
You’re not interesting nor useful.
God:
That’s only your opinion.
Me:
Yes, it is. I’m trying to find out if it’s ok to kill a guy whose wife I desire.
God:
Our thoughts are one, Jack. Why do you want it?
Me:
I’m horny as hell.
God:
Good gossip: you are horny as hell.
Me:
Gossip? You go round Heaven to tell angels stuff like this?
God:
Gale said I became mean to him he is just having revenge an eye for an eye. Where is that?
Me:
Whatever happenned to God-Mortal confidentiality?
God:
I’ve never heard of it before.
Me:
I don’t think I should be talking to you anymore.
God:
Would you ever do it?
Me:
Never again. You’re too crazy.
God:
Once more? So you think it can never happen? Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
Although it does explain the state of the world.

6 thoughts on “God is groovy.. and high.”

  1. Me:
    Are you a Liverpool supporter?
    God:
    Am I a Liverpool supporter? Yes.

    YESS!!!

    Me:
    What about Manchester United, Arsenal or Chelsea?
    God:
    I will think about it and get back to you.

    LOL!!! HAHAHA!!!

  2. Me:
    why did the chicken cross the road ?
    God:
    Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.

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